So What If I’m Asian?

By: Erin So Kim, Teens Tutor Teens

Editor: Gabriela Nguena Jones, CEO/Founder of Teens Tutor Teens

Whoever said, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was lying. They obviously didn’t know that words could cause the most pain. Starting in elementary school, I grew up on the stereotypical thoughts that my “friends” had about me. “Your eyes are so small. Can you see?” was the most common comment that was said to me. Of course, I knew it was a joke. If someone said something and people laughed, it was a joke, right? Wrong. I didn’t laugh. I didn’t enjoy it. It hurt me. But I soon learned that if I showed my pain, if I showed any discomfort, they would enjoy that response and never stop teasing me. When I got to middle school, grades started to become another stereotype. Occasionally, I would get a low A or a high B at my school, and the people around me would be like, “She’s Asian, and she still got a B.” Everyone around me had all these expectations for me that only I didn’t know about. When I got to high school, everything was amplified ten-fold. By now, the expectations of my parents, as well as peers, became my own expectations.

As an Asian, I was never important. My feelings were never important. What I said was never important. When I was with my parents, they mainly told me to, “Become a doctor! Become a lawyer! That is the only way that you’ll be happy” as if my opinion didn’t matter, as if I didn’t have a choice. The matter of the fact was, I didn’t. I tried to reason with them that I had an opinion and that I had a dream. Every time the response would be that they lived longer, so they know better.

I thought that I couldn’t possibly know better than my parents. I could study harder to become a doctor, I could excel and deprive myself of a qualities by working intensively at a STEM school, and soon make my parents proud. My parents’ goal became my goal. My voice, my dream, and my opinions. I became jealous of the people around me that could study on what they were passionate about, I became jealous of the people around me that had parents that would say that they were proud of them, I became jealous of the people whose parents said “It’s okay to fail. All that matters is that you’ve tried.” As an Asian, my parents never said that to me. Not one measly, “I’m proud of you.” Not one single pat on the back.

I had to work for every single thing that I achieved. Don’t get me wrong, I hate receiving freebies. However, even when I worked hard to achieve something, my efforts would be passed up because someone was a different race than me. For example, if I were to have the same grades and extracurriculars as a white female, then the colleges would pick the white female. This is all because of the stereotype that Asians are smart. Many people expect Asians to have all A’s and have a perfect SAT score. What they don’t know is that those grades are not achieved easily. Behind those grades, there are countless all-nighters studying for tests, there are hundreds of dollars spent on SAT prep books, and there are an infinitive amount of practice exams. Us, Asians, don’t get an A any easier than any other race. In fact, it may even be harder for us to achieve something. We work just as hard but don’t get results from our efforts.

So what if I am Asian? I’m still human. I still have something called limits. School never has and will never be just a cake walk for me because I am Asian. I am just a high school girl hoping to graduate, get a job, and live happily with a family. I am just like the rest of you.