I think of myself as pretty cool. But in no means do I or did I ever seen myself as popular.
It all started with the innocent student election in the 3rd grade. I was going head to head against a guy in my class, and we were both popular-ish. I was able to promise people cool things like a buffet and indoor arcades, and he promised them… nothing. He in fact cried! Did I mention he was a crier? Anyways, he cried when it was his turn to talk about what he promised and people felt sympathy for him… And then when it came down to counting the votes on who would represent the 3rd-grade class, it came down to 1 vote that decided our faith. Just one vote. And I lost. Disappointment flooded my face, and I couldn’t help but be sad all the time. It was just bad luck blasted in the face of reality. The reality of the loss and the reality of not being popular. And there started the streak of bad luck.
Every single election I have run for, I have always lost. I don’t know if I am not giving the right message or making the right friends XD. Haha well, that had to be said. But I always feel the rush of victory streaming through my heart near the beginning, but an inevitable loss coming near the end. I would blame myself of having a lack of personality, but I am quite the comedian! I would blame my credentials, but while it was not the BEST, it was better than most. I would blame my platform, but I tried everything! Desperation, guilt, excitement, strength, etc. Nothing has worked. This corrupt system of elections in my childhood has caused me to question and overanalyze the faults in my character and suggested to me that things I couldn’t control: my race, my acne, my intelligence, and my physical features.
If there was any time I hated to be black, have a face feeling like “rocky road”, feel out of touch with socialness, and have a bad taste in fashion, it was middle school. I was down to 2 friends during the 7th grade, and I was in a crisis mode and used education as a support system instead of food. Knowing the trends in my family, I used education to boost my intelligence as a way for the gifted students to bring me into their discussion and acquire me as theirs. I was a lost soul living in a hopeless body. This was the power of popularity. The white kids bullied me, the black kids didn’t want to talk to me, and everyone else parted from me because I wasn’t like them. I couldn’t hit all the 4 corners like popular kids did, and I have yet to learn how. What I do know? The best thing I can do is be myself. And while I lost my identity since the 3rd grade, every day I am trying to glue the pieces together to find out things I like about myself and explore it for the world to see. And those that come to learn more about my interests are my friends. I believe that is what makes me popular.